I broke contact in March after 4 months of silence. Borderline is distinct from Narcissism. The best place for us to start is to begin examining why we began to minimize the abuse and accept being mistreated. Anupturnedsoul opened my eyes to something I didnt know. As convincing as it may seem, this is simply the narcissist trying to hoover you back into a toxic relationship with them. Whatever your faults are as a human being, they pale in comparison to what is fundamentally wrong with him/them. I just want my old life back, my confidence, my goals, my dreams. Because the child in your heart Always excist. So i was writing everything down only to read back a whole lot of beginnings with the beginnings of another event as the ending! I caught him lying about another girl again, my best friend that hes living with he left me and went right to her house, Im assiming its not innocent like they say is it? But be aware of the specially predatory religious narcissist. When I say Im in love with you, I mean Im in love with being your sun, monopolizing your orbit, being your gravity, keeping you drawn back to me no matter how hard you try to jump or fly, keeping you down. And even tho I know WHY it hurts so much that he doesnt understand how he has hurt me. I got extremely frustrated with his ambiguous, incoherent behavior, his cavalier attitude and thought he was acting in a cowardly manner and told him so. I listen I watch but I just see his weakness and, regardless of this, his attempt to appear respectable. Very difficult, but worthwhile. It was sweet but I couldnt let what he did go addressed, so I politely outlined how I was hurt and lovingly explained what I thought his issues were. I know its easier said than done, but as long as you keep any contact, you will always feel invalidated, unworthy, and hopeless. They can pretend to be for short periods of time, but theres always a devastating reason behind it. So true,although I am still not sure whether mine is a narc or BHD,I am still in love with the fantasy and now reality has hit home.He has pushed me around and even made me get out of the car and walk home,miserable and depressed most of the time ans says the most demeaning cruel thing,he now want us to be just friends and have solo holidays,it goes on and on continual devaluation and yet I am still hooked,like a drug addiction!!! I put her growing abusive and physical temper down to myself and not being good enough for her. By Jodie Milton. Adding girls on fb, the porn everything. Now that was somethingIf I ever had doubts about him, I dont have them anymore. Then, the narcissist will go to all your mutual friends, and if theyre really brave, your family members and start telling them how much of a terrible partner you were and how they suffered at your hands. I finally learned after falling for the hoovering several times. And now when she is in distress what does she expect me to do? I hope you will take the time to read other womens experiences. Much can be revealed. That is her prerogative to change hers for sure. I sure did And until I met him I didnt know what a narcissist was so I had no reference. Learn a new skill When I say Im in love with you, I love having someone beautiful to wear, like a new outfit. . Not me. I am moving on. Her mum and split when her mum had an affair and left. Mature people can break up, unblock and still be in a fairly good term with their ex. They can be so sweet and giving when they want to, yet completely break your heart when it often matters most. Thats why to get many of them in the same group is no surprise to professionals, so the term psychopathic mob was coined, and what me and you are in, is known as character assassination. She would always respond, but I had to reach out first. I found it odd because 1) We haven't talked 2) He doesn't follow me on Insta, so he deliberately has to go to my profile just to see the Story. I guess it just takes a lot of time to heal. Today, he showed up at my front door. chaotic and out of orderThank God i was one of the lucky onesI survived ! So, the satellite and internet services were in his name, when he left, I expected him to have it shut off especially since he left, he moved his new supply into a new house and the satellite tv company sent a email to our online account verifying the work order to install cable in their new house. You do an awesome job Kim. Hi Kim, after my relationship with one, I did quite a bit of reading and learned a lot about them. My narcissist ex hasn't contacted me in 109 days. Theyre leaving out half the story. Wow thank you this is was my life of the last six years hitting g ever nerve then when I got to the letter It click this was my relationship God bless anyone who is dating these gross humans. He would never acknowlegde my beautifull aspects of my as a person. Part 1 and Part 2 are equally important to read. Their partner saw past the mask, realized they were flawed and left. Thank you. Thank you for mentioning Upturned Souls blog Shes brilliant! What confuses me the most is how my ex tries to get me to contact him first before he would, say hallo usually by text. Now, I feel that if one is to be a friend, that they might want to extend their friendship to me as well. Its only a theory, as no one can predict the future. Our last conversation she was telling me to leave her alone and how much better off she is without me. Narcissists are never happy. A man who gets what he wants in life by exploiting othersit wasnt only me, he does that to everyone who is close to him. [] Narcissists must have a source of supply for their survival. After three days he was gone. I pray you have found a Christian counselor who can help you to truly forgive all those you need to forgive and to receive the necessary healing to move forward, however God may lead you. With the exception of when we were actually dating, she never came around. Told him finally that I want to move on and hearing from him was preventing that and causing me pain. I know that many a guy has fallen for her, so i am not the only one. He ever felt down, I was there to encourage him, to give him the confidence to do whatever it is he wanted. The gas lighting was the worst. But yet i do. They never accept blame , they control your world ( or try), projection . Ive stopped for the most part questioning why understanding an N is like the Borg in Startrek no thought no feeling. DONT FALL FOR IT! U have been dating a narcissist for 18 years and been married to him for 10 years before he left me and his adlut kids for someone new and i am in therpy now and want to heal but i cant get him to divorce me so heal and move on nowing i dont have the means to get rid of him and he has recently has job saying hedoesnt work there so he doesnt have to put on his health insurance.and this way he just keep living this lie he not married and lies about how kids he has and he has no contact with or me he says were his past but wont divorce me to be the past.so mw and kids can move.is there a reason for this? But this is one of the narcissists weapons of mass destruction. Hi Carole. this is why its so important no contact, trust me I fell for it to the first timethen moved in with him and now my self estten is so bad because I have no whre to go to get away like I used to. Thanks for this insightful input, Healing . Keep learning about this disorder and you will finally see the puzzle come together. Sorry if my sentences are all over the place but I tried to hurry. Till this day I do not have prove that this is his way of getting me to contact him, but I have seen a pattern. Plus, women are by nature, more seductive then men. The person you thought he was does not exist. Firstly above all. When I broke up with him in Feb and he contacted me in May I finally told him what I thought of him. He may move in with her but it wont last. Hell find someone else once he gets bored like they always do. Well, I mulled over giving it to her because I made the mistake of picking up the phone and he tried to brow beat me into it but later, I thought it out.he bought it to replace my freezer which makes it a gift, so no, as much as I love his mother, in fact, it saddens me that she wont end up being my mother in law, I only told her about the freezer when I was unloading my plans to leave, which was a mistake. I felt like I was a character in my own plot-twist movie. You are doing great service work in this area and you should be proud of how many people you help and inspire every day. In my mind he was not taking responsibility for his own words and actions. He liked every thing I liked. How to Know If a Narcissist is Finished with You: 9 Sure Signs. Now, he is not used to not having control. Typically, people who seek professional help do so because they have a level of self-awareness thats given them insight into their mental and emotional state. Not because it is an old school to apply the psychodynamic approach (cous/uncons) to Narcs and Psycos,who cares about the fashion? The judge granted the RO because I psyclogically abused her after I found out about the affair. A couple of minutes later, he got in his truck and leftno goodbye, see ya or anything not that I expected it. It can only be described as a LIVING NIGHTMARE. -A slow, disappearing of self and sharing a life of meaning (this one is hard to see as it is happening) The never meeting his family or friends The half truths.. HiHe is still on your mind that much, you really need to go no Contact, he is playing games but your allowing it. Before I learned about narcissism, I just couldnt understand his Jekkyl and Hyde behaviorIve been four months no contact, and he hasnt tried to contract me once, which hurts me a lot, even thought I should be happy. It eats me. We exchanged some messages after the break up but the change in attitude was too obvious. She told me the very same thing happened to her and she could not make herself forgive after this, my ex says she is full of shit, because he went to her for advice on marriage and she obviously had different intentions. I read once that the nice narcs are truly wolves in sheep clothing. Make no mistake; they have conditioned us to expect it. Prefers the Im so much better/deserve more than you attitude. and the list could go on and on.. He has given you NOTHING and is just TAKING. Good bye Danny, [] They are control freaks. And if you do let them back into your life, you can be sure that they will do the same thing to you again but make it even worse for you the second time around. 2. Thank you for your supportive kind words. They are full of jealousy, rage, insecurity, and hatred. If you have established NC where does all the rage go? So please, all of you, break free and No Contact means No Contact. On one of the sites the question had been if psycho women bring less ego into relationship, then psycho men, I wrote no and explained why. Im not going to lie, for the first time in a long time, i actually felt that love and heartbreak feeling when thinking about never seeing and talking to her again. Although educating ourselves about the disorder is important, there does come a time when continuing it can hamper our healing efforts because it leads to perpetual triggering. Matt, you need to block her on FB. Basically, If you don't like the way things are or who he is, then leave. "Apologizing" for their behavior. Hello: Thank you for your comment. I ALMOST ANSWERED HIM.. After reading this I feel stronger because he has actually now resorted to leaving voice messages. If this ex returns, it will NOT be good for you, no matter wha. But clearly, something in me allowed this man to keep doing some of the things he did, long after my spirit was telling me to run like hell. Myself When i look back and know all this now, i can say that i am recovering as we speak from the 3th N relationship. She broke up with him after 5 months. Maybe i just miss compagny. You should read Upturned Souls blog. You spend your time with a Narc analyzing, investigating and trying to fix them. I thought I was going crazy after going through hell with my ex N. I totally agree with anupturnedsoul. And, as the mother of two children, my pain doesnt end because now they have to see him by law and I know he is slowly doing his damage to them and they will end up in therapy like all of his other kids. yes, he is fearful of my presence and tells the kidss, I dont want your mother anywhere near me, lol. I mean.. i knew he was a little bi but i know for sure he is not realy gay. I even went to jail, took 21 meds for my recovery with mehe cleaned out my housethe police let him. Even in relationships with normal, mentally healthy individuals, that is the case. Yet, how can you be friends with someone who is so evil? It lasted a week and I kicked him out. Facades, smokes, masks and mirrors aside, I feel my narc and I have a lot in common that cant be enjoyed because of his cruelty and my ultimate discard of him which in hindsight must have been a fairly traumatic thing for him. The disappearing act commences. Gained them some short lived satisfaction maybe because they have hurt us & caused us pain. For example, lets say that you were to use the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend for 30 days. Hurting you makes her feel better. The only reason I have any kind of contact with him is enough time has passed, I know he tried, he still makes me laugh, he admits he fits the Narcissist label, he is respectful to me and he treated me very well in between his Narc episodes. She would eventually apologize to me, and mention she did not mean to hurt me and that I am such a great person and such. I dont want to feel happy when i get a sms with kind words. 1. He didnt move hug me or clinch. I would like to also add that I love every post as not one of the side topics has been absent in my relationship/experieces. One man got more then the RO, btw also for her sleeping with their (his and hers) boss. It takes time..and lots of self reflection. 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